It's tough to realise that you're a person that doesn't handle stress well. I always try to think to myself when I'm in the middle of a difficult situation that I need to breathe and stay focused and try to come up with some sort of solution. But instead I inevitably get very flustered, turn red and lash out at the people around me.
It's how the men in my family have always behaved- which isn't an excuse, just an observation. 'Fuck!' is a well-used exclamation in my household at even the most minor of incidents. I had to explain to my girlfriend that if she hears me say it, I've usually just spilt the milk or something and I'm crying over it.
But in more serious occasions, I really need to improve my behaviour. It's honestly like a temper tantrum. A whirl of sarcastic comments at people who are trying to help. A pounding heart.
The perfect example was when I lost my passport towards the end of last year. Now, this was quite serious as its importance is obvious and as someone who had just travelled the world and had a lot more travel planned, quite inconvenient as well. Now, to cut it short, I did end up finding it 24hours later exactly, where I left it (you can read that story here). But it was how I behaved in the hours shortly after it was misplaced is what causes the most concern. I literally ran out of the house to go find it. I punched cushions and the couch. I lost the plot. It was not how a 28 year old man should be behaving no matter what the situation. My girlfriend, who of course just wanted to help, was met by a madman, flailing his arms and sliding down with his back against the wall, dejectedly. When I think back on the whole event, I wish I'd just kept on sliding through the floor.
A common cause of these outbursts is usually money. Not having enough. Not earning enough. Having enough but then having to spend it. Having enough but then having to pay the government. When Nix and I first booked our 2015 expedition, we paid our deposit and I informed her that over the course of the next 6 months until we left there would be regular moments when I'd stress about money. They would be random, but they would be regular. At the first hurdle, Nix said "Well at least you told me". And it's so unnecessary because since I have been an adult, I have always had enough money. Never a lot, but enough to do the things I want to do. So why does it cause my body and brain so much agony? Why do I react the way I do at the slightest inconvenience or when things just aren't quite right?
Nix said the other day "I feel like when these things happen I need to give you 15minutes to sort it out in your head first".
And that's usually the case. I just need a short time to process, think of solutions and I'm back on track. But how do I change my innate thought pattern to go from "PANIC" to "think rationally and find a solution you grown man"? It's difficult to just flick a switch and make it happen.
It's how the men in my family have always behaved- which isn't an excuse, just an observation. 'Fuck!' is a well-used exclamation in my household at even the most minor of incidents. I had to explain to my girlfriend that if she hears me say it, I've usually just spilt the milk or something and I'm crying over it.
But in more serious occasions, I really need to improve my behaviour. It's honestly like a temper tantrum. A whirl of sarcastic comments at people who are trying to help. A pounding heart.
The perfect example was when I lost my passport towards the end of last year. Now, this was quite serious as its importance is obvious and as someone who had just travelled the world and had a lot more travel planned, quite inconvenient as well. Now, to cut it short, I did end up finding it 24hours later exactly, where I left it (you can read that story here). But it was how I behaved in the hours shortly after it was misplaced is what causes the most concern. I literally ran out of the house to go find it. I punched cushions and the couch. I lost the plot. It was not how a 28 year old man should be behaving no matter what the situation. My girlfriend, who of course just wanted to help, was met by a madman, flailing his arms and sliding down with his back against the wall, dejectedly. When I think back on the whole event, I wish I'd just kept on sliding through the floor.
A common cause of these outbursts is usually money. Not having enough. Not earning enough. Having enough but then having to spend it. Having enough but then having to pay the government. When Nix and I first booked our 2015 expedition, we paid our deposit and I informed her that over the course of the next 6 months until we left there would be regular moments when I'd stress about money. They would be random, but they would be regular. At the first hurdle, Nix said "Well at least you told me". And it's so unnecessary because since I have been an adult, I have always had enough money. Never a lot, but enough to do the things I want to do. So why does it cause my body and brain so much agony? Why do I react the way I do at the slightest inconvenience or when things just aren't quite right?
Nix said the other day "I feel like when these things happen I need to give you 15minutes to sort it out in your head first".
And that's usually the case. I just need a short time to process, think of solutions and I'm back on track. But how do I change my innate thought pattern to go from "PANIC" to "think rationally and find a solution you grown man"? It's difficult to just flick a switch and make it happen.